Blogs: Customers

By all measurements, the Southern California Linux Expo was an unparalleled success this year. SCALE is the first-of-the-year Linux show. For 2010, attendance was on the rise, talks were packed, the expo floor often saturated.

Being at SCALE got me thinking about how much Splunk has grown as a technology and a company. This year, we added two new members to the booth and the Splunk Southwest Team–Jason Stein and Ron Naken. Jason is our Regional Sales Manager and Ron our Senior Sales Engineer. Jason and Ron are well-connected so you may already know them from their previous posts prior to joining Splunk. I can’t think of a better welcome to the southwest than to meet local customers already using and…

Ever had a girlfriend that just wouldn’t … leave?

(or, for those that prefer boys, if you’ve known a Mission emo brat, you too know what I mean)

Maybe it was a hookup. Maybe a friend of a friend. But you were always just sorta biding time. Hanging out till something better comes along. Eventually, that better thing turned out to be, well, anything else. Like watching dust collect on the shriveled remains of your caring.

Remember the relief when one day, after months of items too conveniently “forgotten” at your house, ignored phone calls and awkward social gatherings when you suddenly realized…

They were gone?

Now crystallize and concatenate that relief you felt with the very real, inescapable fact that Boost is gone. That’s…

Did you know the earth, in addition to warming, is slowing? We, the early Global Slowing movement, are raising awareness of this issue here at Splunk.

So dire is the threat that time itself is being distorted by this world-wide phenomenon. To compensate, authorities have declared a Leap Second to protect us from slowing rotational patterns.

Therefore, the Global Slowing movement beseeches you to use this extra second wisely. Join us as we protest this travesty with a shot at exactly midnight GMT (16:00 PST) on the south side.

Remember, it’s like it never was. What happens on the leap second, stays on the leap second.

What is this? Do you know how hard we in the morale department work to keep you happy? Our fingers bleed; have you seen a callous this big before? Only on that black pit you call a soul.

We paid good money for that tasty goodness rotting away in the kitchen. Don’t pretend like you didn’t seem them there. Lots of fresh, organic, artisanal local fruit. Grown by professionals. Armies mobilized from Central America to come a pick them, risking life and limb. Delivered to mere feet from your lazy desk by hipsters on the backs of biofueled, trendy little scooters.

And for what? So you can watch them attract flies. A vile waste that will not be tolerated!

Unfortunately, the morale department…

Sometimes you must be reminded by loss to appreciate what you have. Consider, for example, the tragic loss of liquor that afflicted us for 13 years. Makes the truancy of your Splunk bar staff seem like a mere bathroom break.

But all bad things come to an end.

Seventy five years ago the US repealed Prohibition, and tonight the South Side repeals ours. And rest assured, we’re doing it in style – Manhattan style. Ever wondered how to make the drink that self-describes as “perfect?” I’ll give you a hint: it gets more perfect the more you have.

South Side at 5. A toast to the 21^st.

Woe. Calamity. Bust. As your retirement account swoons and banks once mighty crumble to dust, you might start to wonder what to do at a time like this. Do you flee to cash? Bullion? Or do you reach deep into those pantalones and find your last bit of pocket change to plow into this bottom? (it is the bottom, right?)

No. All of those involve risk. And require far too much effort.

No, you drink you silly Splunker. And while we watch lower Manhattan sink into the Hudson, we will ask is that glass half full, or half empty. For half-empty is the only way I can imagine serving the Market Crash, a delicious and nutritious blend of brown booze.…

Things are moving pretty fast at Splunk and I wanted to comment on the exciting news we announced last week.

In 2004, myself, Erik Swan and Rob Das started Splunk with a vision to battle IT complexity by embracing it. We were thinking of things a bit differently. A different way to address the management of IT by applying search to millions of data center artifacts. Traditionally these artifacts were summarized, filtered and reduced and then forgotten – leaving us humans in a pickle when we needed to figure out what’s really going on. For us Splunk was also about a different way to interact with the market taking an approach of utter transparency. Our public product road maps, freely…

For a nice sunny summer week, far too many of us have succumbed to illness. Clearly the move, sprinting and attendant stress has been too much for some Splunkers. We salute their sacrifice to the greater good. Those who still survive should take all due and proper precautions to ensure their continued health. For that no tonic is better than the (in)famous Harvey Wallbanger.

Bringing together the restorative powers of orange juice, ancient Italian herbs and wholesome grain liquor, the Harvey Wallbanger provides all the nutrition the body needs to ward off sickness and scope creep. That it sounds like your creepy uncle also helps add extra tre chic that PBR sipping hipsters adore. This ain’t your sister’s screwdriver –…